By Nicole Gebhardt

I Had Hit Rock Bottom.

I had a choice, either stay in the darkness of my grief and pain from losing my child to SIDS or start seeking the light of hope and happiness  

On October 15th 2019 my life forever changed. It was Infant Loss and Miscarriage Awareness Day and I could not stop thinking about my son, Samuel, that had passed away when he was merely 9 weeks of age. I drank alone until I got so intoxicated that I fell down two flights of stairs that evening. My husband, Jeff, found me at the bottom. I was barely breathing and not responding to him. What happened the next few hours and days would bring you to your knees.

When we arrived to the hospital, the doctors did not even know if I was going to make it. I ended up spending a week in the ICU and towards the end of that week was indeed released, but was in need of 24/7 care from others. I knew that very moment my life needed to change and I made the biggest decision of my life to finally seek the light and get help.  

I made a commitment to change

When making the decision in seeking the light and getting help, I promised myself and my family I would never take another sip of alcohol again. I also realized it was time to get honest and real with myself and others about my addiction, the loss of my son, and so many other heartaches I had endured, which also included a rape in college and abuse I lived through in my first marriage. I knew I needed support and was committed to the discomfort of change this would bring to me as I began rising from the ashes of grief and disparity.

I began really investing in myself and putting myself first for the first time in my life. I hired a life coach, joined an Alcohol Anonymous Support Group, started receiving Reiki Energy Healing to heal my PTSD from losing my child and the sexual abuse I had suffered I even took a trip out to Sedona to work through all of my pain and grief where I completely let go and let God. It was all finally finished. I released my pain and let the world feel the weight of it. I no longer had to carry it alone. 

My relationship with the Lord was on fire, my marriage got stronger, and I became a better mother. But, most importantly I fell in love with myself and the woman I was becoming. I truly loved being alive and being in my own skin for the first time ever. The support I began receiving from others around me, near and far, once I committed to seeking the light was unbelievable. 

I am writing this part of my journey and my story out for you to see that you too can seek the light. That you too can make the decision to get help, to start being honest with yourself and others, and to be committed to the discomfort of change. I want you to see how easy it is to also build a support system around you if you are truly ready to finally learn to love yourself, learn that you are enough, and to realize that you are not alone. 

Please know you do not have to reach rock bottom to indeed get help. I don’t want it to take a near death episode for you to see that there is hope. You can find and feel happiness again.

I am here for you. I am ready to help you. And I would be honored to show you the light. 

12 Steps I Took To Heal

On my journey to healing I am able to point to 12 steps I had to take to heal from the devastating loss of my child, surviving sexual abuse and overcoming alcoholism. I want to share these 12 steps with you today taken straight out of my Healing Cocoon program in hopes you will also heal to become a healthier, happier, and more hopeful you.   

Step 1: Hit Rock Bottom

Decide it is time to change. Make a commitment to do the hard work of healing. Trust me it’s worth it! 

Step 2: Get Support

You don’t have to do it alone. You need support. Start admitting to others that you are willing to accept help to heal. The Healing Cocoon is a safe space to heal and find your hope & happiness again  

Step 3: Make Self Love A Priority

If you don’t love yourself you will not have the capacity to have healthy relationships. It’s time to fall in love with you, accept that you are enough and worthy of all good things 

Step 4: Control Your Environment 

To heal and transform your life you must have the right environment. You can’t control everything; but you have the ability to create an environment to thrive starting today  

Step 5: Develop Empowering Habits 

What you do minute to minute and day to day is what is shaping your reality it’s time to implement habits that empower your life instead of tear it down  

Step 6:  Share Your Story

You don’t have to hide your pain, it is time to start sharing your story and let others feel the weight of it. Doing this helps you to reconcile your pain and surrender the past so you can move forward and learn to walk with your pain instead of drowning in it  

Step 7: Learn to Control Your Inner Chatter

Your enemy lives inside of you and it is every dark and negative thought that is running rampant in that sweet brain of yours, learn to take your thoughts captive and allow positive thoughts to reign so that you can attract goodness into your life.  

Step 8: Do the Work to Become A Better You 

Increase your confidence and learn how to shape your new identity as you let go of the past, so that you can become the person you have always longed to be. 

Step 9: Take Steps to Being A Happier You 

Happiness can be yours! Learn how to live in your moments and make today count. Reframe the past to live in joy and gratitude, and step into a life of abundance filled with things you love and enjoy. 

Step 10: Forgive and Let Go

Not only do you need to forgive others, you also need to forgive yourself.  You can be set free if you will only choose to forgive and let go, and let God  

Step 11: Learn Healthy Coping Methods

Stop surviving through each day by numbing and isolating and learn how to fill your life with love and laughter again by implementing healthy coping methods  

Step 12: Release the Pain

Discover methods that help you release the pain you have been holding on to so that you can heal and be free to feel happy again  

The Healing Cocoon gives you exactly what you need to successfully take these steps to reveal, feel and heal your wounds so you can have hope for a beautiful and happy future. 

The Healing Cocoon is the perfect place to get support because it combines deep self-work with the accountability of a support group where you are surrounded by people who understand what it feels to struggle with grief and also want to seek the light of hope and happiness. 

If you are looking for a supportive group for daily encouragement and full of people who are seeking the light join us at Nicole’s Angels.